Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Learning to Overlook offenses.

Wisdom helps a person restrain his anger, and it is to his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense. - Proverbs 19:11

Have you noticed how easily people take offense these days? We don't seem to have a lot of patience, thoughtfulness, or tact. Everyone seems to be balancing a chip on their shoulder and wearing their hearts on their sleeves. To make matters worse we speak and act in response to our frustrations before thin king things through. As a result, our knee jerk reactions to these frustrations we have with others often lead to more trouble and pain than the original perceived offense.

I was sitting at a McDonald's the other day, randomly listening to the myriad of conversations going on around me. I was astonished at how many people were just complaining about how someone did them wrong. After the minor nature of some of these 'Major" offenses, I began wondering why so many adults never seem to grow past the social maturity level of seventh graders. I thought to myself "We seriously need to grow up!"

As Christians we are called to be people of grace and forgiveness. The Bible says that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Finally when we do speak, we are to speak truth in love, with wisdom as our filter. Unfortunately we as Christ followers wrongly allow our emotional and spiritual immaturity to get the best of us. Instead of approaching situations as those who have been so graciously forgiven for our own numerous thoughtless actions and attitudes, we vengefully lash out or passive-aggressively retaliate, all the while thinking we are justified in our bitter actions. BUT WE ARE NOT!

Consider this, how would the majority of us react if someone said something to us in a curt or "overly" direct way? Wouldn't most of us we feel scolded and bitter, and as a result we would either respond in kind or distance ourselves from that person all the while licking our wounds, and holding a grudge letting our wounds fester.

If a friend, family member, or co-worker overlooks something that in the moment you find important, or perhaps they forget to include you in a conversation, or perhaps they cancel a lunch date at the last minute, or simply fails to show up, perhaps they don't to follow through on a task they were asked to do, how do we respond? Don't we get upset and feel that they are disloyal. And do we walk the Christian path by going to them asking them what happened, seeing if there might have been an emergency or unforeseen factor that lead to the situation, and do we try and reconcile? Or isn't it more likely that we choose the self centered path of emailing, calling, texting, or subtly working our complaints into our conversations with others telling them all about how unreliable or how thoughtless the "offender" had been. Some of us go even further and devise subtle ways to get even or assassinate their reputation in order to make their relationships with others more uncomfortable.

Have you ever had a really bad day, when our boss or our spouse call us to account for something we have done, or failed to do? Instead of truly reflecting on or repenting for how our actions may have caused problems, or at least taking a moment to consider how you might learn and grow from that moment; most of us just allow our embarrassment to grow into anger. Then we go to the water cooler and tear down the person's reputation in front of anyone who will listen.

Or perhaps it's just been one of those days we, nothing has gone right and we want the world to empathize with us, and when on the occasion we don't get the "proper amount of ego stroking", we allow ourselves to feel wounded and unappreciated. So in turn we go out of our way to spread our misery around! But we need to realize that other people can't always make us feel better, and we can't expect others to always "get" what we are going through, We need to remember that it is not reasonable to expect someone to be available 24/7 for our own constant emotional support.

It even happens with our interaction with strangers. Think about a negative experience you may have had at a restaurant. How did you respond, did you leave a bad tip, did you complain and make a scene, did you tell all of your friends how bad it was. But did you stop and think that perhaps it wasn't the waitresses fault, perhaps the kitchens staff is new. Perhaps she is having a bad day or having problems at home. (Haven't we had days like that, too?)

I have found in my life that when I feel offended, ignored, or wounded, my responses have not often been a holy ones. I also find that I wind up feeling worse about how poorly I respond, because inevitably I find out later that the other person had good reason for acting the way they did, or at other times I catch myself doing or saying something very similar to someone else. All of this after I have damaged my relationship even further by grinching and moaning to other people, anyone and everyone except the one person I should have been talking to!

As a people redeemed by grace in spite of our own failings, we need to learn to let wisdom lead us in our response to frustrating interactions with others .If you feel wounded, slighted, ignored,left out, embarrassed, or scolded... think before you respond! Is what you are about to say or do edifying? Does it build up and encourage, or does it tear down, and destroy? Have you ever been guilty of something similar? I bet you have... we all have!

So Christian, get down off the soap box and cut other people some slack. Take the chip off of your own shoulder; stop wearing your heart on your sleeve; and thicken your skin. Before you let anger, bitterness, spitefulness or judgmentalism take root, remember that GOD forgave you all you have done, maybe it's time you passed on a little of that grace!

If in the end you feel that you need to deal with the situation go first to the offender and seek to forgive, to understanding, and to reconcile. Only then do you have the right to talk to, text, facebook, IM, email, telegraph, snail mail, or skywrite any one else about it!

"Wisdom helps a person restrain his anger, and it is to his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense." - Proverbs 19:11 ...and it also keeps us from making matters worse!

Have a blessed week!


-Pastor Jeff
Christ United Methodist Church of Cabot AR
10 Elk Horn Lane Cabot AR 72023
501-843-2302

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